Tomorrow will be the last day of this year. Last day and last night of the most eventful year i have seen so far. A year that started with tears and helplessness now seems to come to an end. On a more reflective and maybe, a little mature understanding of people, or maybe.. just maybe a little better understanding of me. But the problem is, with the passing of another year, my feelings and thoughts seem to have become complex by x + 365.

Why am i evaluating myself on 31st December ? what significance does it hold ... nothing. Except we chose it as an end, and a beginning. So nothing in particular. Just like any other ordinary day, except i think its time to think back.
Now, talking about thinking back, you know... if we don’t stop to think we can simply keep living, happily, on and on. Its when we stop to think and reflect, thats when we begin the whole convolutions of thought. Of self analysis, and of wondering what happened, and Why ?

I ve shifted 3 cities this year. Smoked too often. Got sloshed more than once. Discovered office politics. Endured office politics. Kissed. Liked a married guy. Partied. Lost touch with college friends. Been through depression. Cried. Laughed. Been alone in crowds. Loved being alone. Got my first job. Lost my first love. Met several people off the net. Closed the door on 3 of them. The best.

Realised myself in them. Lost that part with them. Woman, girl, child. Seen my alter egos. In their voice, their words and touch. ‘their’ ! i talk of them in plural, though none could compare with the other. all 3 of you. have been very special to me. in your own ways. Need i explain that? Maybe i do. Because it's over.

Sometimes i wish they were reading this blog. Sometimes i wish ... they knew, i didn’t hurt anyone intentionally. All i did was self preservation. Sometimes i wish ... they knew what each one of them meant to me, individually. And that i haven’t, cant and wont ever forget them, and the relationship i shared with each one of them.

Sometimes i wish ...

Its been an eventful year.
I have my resolutions and hopes for next year all set.
But that will come in a separate post.

Till then ...