Been discovering new meanings to the word lonely everyday.

When i come back from office and think about my day, i wish i had someone to talk to. about the minor details of my life. Someone who would be interested in my life, well, almost as interested as me.
I think i need love, and lots of it, and soon.

They say, if you really want something, with all your heart, the entire universe conspires in helping you achieve it. I don't see that happening with me. The more i want something, the more helpless i am forced to become in achieving it. I feel i'm being tested everyday, to see how much of this craving i can take before breaking down.
Like i just told Su, i think we ve been deprived for too long.

Maybe he is simply a major content for this blog for the same reason. Because he's the only memory of love i've felt. Memory, not anticipation.

Why do i chase love away?
And attract men who want me. Physically.

I wonder why this blog is getting to be all about men. I think i am very lonely right now.

And wondering how things went wrong. With Vm. With Jn.

What happens when someone likes you, and likes you much more than you like them. Or could give them? Does that make you a sinner?

And then you like someone. And that someone cant give you. Does that make him the sinner?

If its all about loving someone, and love is all about the intensity of the feeling, and the feeling about expecting nothing in return, why does it still hurt?


Today its the image of the pool table, and the window. The grafitti on the wall and the cigarette.
Yet somewhere within this image. From the body leaning by the window, the hand holding the cigarette i hear him say.

Maybe some years down i ll smile and read this blog. Maybe few years later, the name wont vibrate in me with his thought. Maybe. Few years later.

"naam gum jaayega
chehra ye badal jaayega

meri awaaz hi pehchaan hai
gar, yaad rahe"

You see, it all started with the voice.